I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
