The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
