Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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