walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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