I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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