just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
