plz talk dirty to me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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