please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
