i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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