cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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