By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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