This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
