As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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