i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
