I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
