Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
