uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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