those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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