Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You took a bar mat shot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
