you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
