He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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