If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize