Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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