Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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