she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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