What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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