Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
