I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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