woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
