it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
