Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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