this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
