we're blogging at a bar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
