I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize