Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later