You made me cry and you don't even care
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sext me about skeletons