get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.