I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.