she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.