I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
