I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
