get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
