OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
