if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
