Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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