i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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