I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
