this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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