So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
