I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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