Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
organizing the empties. That sober.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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