it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
