It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
