how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
