I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
