someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
