Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
