we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
