I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
